Divorzio con figli: il ruolo del nuovo partner

Divorzio con figli il ruolo del nuovo partner

Un amore che finisce è sempre un fatto spiacevole che comporta sofferenza. Ma quando la relazione in questione coinvolge anche dei bambini, il divorzio con figli può diventare difficile da gestire per diversi aspetti. Si determina una complessità relazionale non solo tra i due ex, ma soprattutto tra genitori e figli.
Se poi in queste dinamiche già molto articolate, entra in scena anche un nuovo partner la situazione si complica ulteriormente

Il divorzio con figli modifica gli equilibri emotivi e cambia l’andamento della vita familiare.
La nuova persona che entra nella vita di una mamma o di un papà, dovrà relazionarsi anche alla famiglia del partner, figli compresi. Il nuovo partner diventerà in qualche modo un terzo genitore.
Gli ex dovrebbero, in questo caso, essere ancora più maturi nella gestione della loro relazione per il bene dei figli. Tuttavia se ciò non avvenisse, perché la fine di un amore spesso destabilizza le persone, rendendole meno collaborative, il nuovo compagno dovrebbe, per quanto possibile, rimanere fuori dal rapporto tra i due ex, specie per quando riguarda il loro ruolo di genitori. Fatta eccezione per i casi nei quali il genitore è assente, arrecando diverse conseguenze emotive per i figli, il nuovo compagno/a non dovrebbe assumere responsabilità che non gli competono. A meno che non siano i genitori a chiederglielo.

Famiglia allargata

I divorzi con figli sono dolorosi soprattutto per i bambini. Per questo motivo il/la compagno/a di mamma o papà dovrebbe trovare la maniera più appropriata per relazionarsi ai figli acquisiti. Sebbene sia giusto che ogni relazione sia vissuta secondo i bisogni emotivi ed il carattere delle persone coinvolte, ci sono alcuni atteggiamenti che possono essere in ogni caso più positivi di altri.
Il nuovo partner dovrebbe cercare di essere rispettoso, comprensivo ed empatico verso i figli acquisiti senza volersi mai sostituire ai genitori, come del resto dovrebbero fare anche i nonni.
Specie all’inizio, il terzo genitore dovrebbe relazionarsi ai bambini in modo graduale e non invasivo. Inoltre, per quanto possibile, dovrebbe farsi conoscere per quello che è, cercando di costruire un rapporto sincero e spontaneo.

divorzio con figli

Il terzo genitore non deve avere necessariamente un ruolo educativo.
In molti casi i genitori coinvolti in un divorzio con figli sono perfettamente in grado di ricoprire personalmente le proprie funzioni genitoriali. Anche se separati, i genitori possono comunque accompagnare i loro figli rispondendo alle necessità emotive, educative e materiali del caso. Certo quando il nuovo partner entra in casa e si costituisce fattivamente una nuova famiglia allargata, è necessario stabilire alcune regole di carattere pratico. Inoltre fondamentale cercare sempre il dialogo e dare alle reazioni emotive dei bambini la giusta considerazione.

Cosa il nuovo partner non dovrebbe mai fare

Capita di frequente che i bambini vivano il/la compagno/a della madre o del padre con un sentimento di rifiuto. La persona nuova viene considerata, più o meno coscientemente, un ostacolo per la relazione tra i genitori.
L’adulto estraneo alla famiglia precedente dovrebbe non vivere mai le nuove relazioni con gelosia.

Il nuovo partner non dovrebbe mai sottovalutare il benessere emotivo dei figli propri o acquisiti. Questo non vuol dire che la nuova relazione sentimentale dovrà sottostare ai capricci dei bambini, ai quali è importante dire anche “no”. Ma tutte i rapporti dovrebbero essere vissuti con maturità, rispetto e comprensione reciproca. Ogni persona coinvolta nella famiglia ricomposta vivrà i rapporti interpersonali in modo proprio, provando sentimenti talvolta contrastanti. Tuttavia è importante considerare che la separazione di coppia non incide nella funzione genitoriale. Mamma e papà avranno sempre il loro ruolo di genitori anche se non sono più sposati. I nuovi ruoli familiari saranno probabilmente più complessi. Ma se gestita con maturità, la nuova famiglia potrà diventare una risorsa per tutte le persone coinvolte.

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