Dire no ai bimbi
Che tipo di genitore sei? Ti vedi tra quelli che si considerano amici dei propri figli? Oppure hai uno stile educativo più rigido e autoritario? Pensi sia giusto dire no ai propri figli in alcuni casi?
Educare i propri figli è uno dei compiti più difficili per un genitore!
Dobbiamo fare i conti con tutti i modelli educativi che ci vengono proposti, dalla scuola ai media. Veniamo condizionati dai mille consigli di parenti ed amici. Ma siamo costretti a relazionarci anche al cambiamento dei tempi, alle nostre condizioni di vita e alle numerose sollecitazioni esterne.
Perché è importante dire no
Dire no è talvolta davvero difficile. Davanti ai capricci del bambino, specie quando siamo stanchi o emotivamente vulnerabili, il comportamento più semplice sarebbe accontentarlo.
Ma saper dire no non significa solo scongiurare la crescita di un bambino viziato. La negazione di un consenso, che sia relativo ad un oggetto o ad un comportamento, serve anche a trasmettere sicurezza a nostro figlio. Potrebbe risultare difficile da credere, ma dire no, nel momento giusto, aiuta il bambino a rafforzare la propria personalità.
Educazione autorevole
Educare deriva dal verbo latino ex-ducere che significa condurre fuori, far venire fuori.
Per essere bravi educatori dobbiamo aiutare i nostri figli ad esprimere loro stessi in modo sereno ed appropriato.
Educazione autorevole significa trasmissione di valori e regole in modo equilibrato e coerente.
Anche le regole sono importanti per i bambini, purché siano chiare e non eccessivamente numerose. Le regole servono a mostrare ciò che è giusto o sbagliato e a limitare o vietare alcuni atteggiamenti. I genitori che vogliono essere troppo amici dei loro figli rischiano di non essere presi sul serio. Il bambino tenterà sempre a protestare davanti ai divieti. Ma, se capisce che siamo vulnerabili ai capricci, riuscirà ad ottenere quello che vuole. Il rischio è far sentire i nostri figli onnipotenti. Non dare loro una guida di riferimento può disorientarli facendoli diventare adulti insicuri.
Coerenza educativa
Dire no ai bambini significa però anche motivare le proprie ragioni.
Fornire a nostro figlio una spiegazione del divieto serve a mettere in luce la nostra coerenza educativa. È importante non essere chiusi al confronto o a qualsiasi tipo di negoziazione, ascoltare nostro figlio, le sue ragioni e lasciargli esprimere eventuali frustrazioni. Tuttavia dobbiamo anche evitare che ci siano troppe eccezioni, chiarendo il perché delle nostre scelte.
Per questo motivo sarebbe molto importante anche adottare uno stile educativo comune tra i genitori. Affinché il bambino possa crescere con riferimenti chiari, la collaborazione della coppia risulta ancora più efficace. Ciò diventa fondamentale soprattutto se stiamo pensando di allargare la famiglia.
Tuttavia al di là dei consigli utili a tutti, ogni genitore dovrebbe considerare con onestà ed amore l’unicità del proprio bambino per capire come farlo crescere in modo sereno.
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