Suocera invadente
Che rapporto avete con la mamma del vostro compagno?
La relazione tra nuora e suocera è in genere una delle più difficili in molte famiglie.
Spesso succede che tra le due donne ci siano malintesi a causa di gelosie e insicurezze.
Questi fraintendimenti possono essere inoltre acuiti dal fatto che la relazione tra le due è influenzata dal marito/figlio.
L’uomo conteso, compagno di una e figlio dell’altra, spesso si ritrova coinvolto in dinamiche spiacevoli. Molti uomini sono in grado di mediare tali situazioni, ma altri invece peggiorano il rapporto.
Per non parlare di come la relazione con la suocera invadente spesso peggiori dopo la nascita di un figlio.
Spetta quindi a noi donne, madri, mogli o fidanzate chiarire alcuni punti, affinché il confronto con la suocera possa essere costruttivo e rispettoso.
Come riconoscere una suocera invadente
La suocera invadente è colei che dà consigli non richiesti su qualsiasi questione.
Forse, come sostengono alcune ricerche, l’aver messo al mondo un figlio maschio l’ha resa più suscettibile alle preoccupazioni emotive.
Sta di fatto che quello che dice la suocera diventa ad un certo punto inevitabilmente fastidioso.
Oltre a dare sempre pareri inopportuni, la suocera invadente non riesce a rapportarsi al proprio figlio in modo maturo.
Si relaziona a lui con lo stesso atteggiamento di quando era bambino, non riconoscendolo come adulto emancipato. Purtroppo molti dei nostri compagni legittimano le ingerenze materne, giustificandole come semplici attenzioni. Ma, quando le premure materne influiscono anche nel rapporto di coppia, è necessario porre un limite.
Come sopravvivere ai consigli della suocera invadente
Quando i consigli della suocera diventano continui sorgono dinamiche conflittuali.
Un’eccessiva ingerenza nella nostra vita di coppia può farci reagire con l’aggressività e trasformare qualsiasi situazione in un momento spiacevole.
Quello che possiamo fare è cercare di affrontare il rapporto in modo positivo.
Possiamo ad esempio provare a capire le motivazioni dei continui interventi di nostra suocera. Dipende dal fatto che il figlio la coinvolge troppo nella sua vita? Oppure è nostra suocera che vorrebbe essere sempre presente? Magari è una persona anziana e sola, oppure ha vissuto tutta la sua vita solo in funzione del figlio.
Qualunque siano le motivazioni alla base del rapporto tra madre e figlio, dobbiamo assicurarci che queste dinamiche non incidano nel nostro rapporto di coppia.
Presupposti fondamentali sono il rispetto reciproco, ma anche una buona dose di empatia. Dobbiamo provare a comprendere gli stati d’animo di nostra suocera.
Se i suoi consigli continui sono motivati dalla paura di perdere il figlio possiamo rassicurarla. Come anche se, invece, ritiene che lui o tu siate troppo immaturi per vivere alcune situazioni.
Come gestire i conflitti
Nei confronti di una suocera invadente dobbiamo imparare ad utilizzare la nostra intelligenza emotiva. Dobbiamo provare a gestire le emozioni, le nostre e quelle della suocera in modo costruttivo.
Tale atteggiamento è molto importante, soprattutto quando ci sono di mezzo dei figli/nipoti. Anche se alcuni studi attribuiscono alla nonna materna una maggiore rilevanza affettiva e genetica, anche la nonna paterna è importante.
I bambini sono inoltre particolarmente sensibili nel comprendere gli stati d’animo dei familiari. Una particolare tensione con la nonna può condizionare anche l’emotività di nostro figlio.
Se il nostro compagno non ci aiuta nella gestione della casa, perché sottovaluta gli aspetti positivi per la coppia o per reale mancanza di tempo. Se c’è un rapporto di rispetto reciproco, la presenza della suocera può rappresentare un aiuto.
Ognuna di noi ha un ruolo diverso ma importante all’interno della famiglia, lei è la madre tu la compagna. Collaborare, mettendo da parte le conflittualità è sicuramente la strategia vincente.
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